Around three years ago, the Australian government changed their requirements for those applying for religious worker permanent resident visas (PR). At the time, I was on my first two-year religious worker temporary resident visa, of which they allow two. One of our long-term staff applied for his PR just before these changes were made and was then caught-up in a complicated years-long battle to stay in the country. Appeal after appeal he has been here as we prayed and fought not just for him but for all wishing to stay here in Australia long-term. As of last month, the government officially decided that he had to leave. For him, it is going to be a time of regrouping, seeing friends and family that he hasn't been able to as he has had to stay in the country the whole time, resting, support-raising and fighting to return to Australia hopefully soon.
You might be wondering how this relates to me. Well, as I am now on my "last" allowed temporary visa, it would usually be time for me to be looking at PR. But, I don't fit into the new requirements for PR and do not have the finances for the increased cost. So, it seems as though my time at YWAM Brisbane may be coming to a sooner end than I had anticipated or hoped. There is a possibility that the visa requirements will change soon, which is what we are praying for as this affects not just us, but all of YWAM Australia being able to have international long-term staff. But, I won't have that answer for quite a while. It feels as though I am a person sitting in the gondola in the photo above. I am moving towards something but the fog has yet to clear for me to see my final destination. I have to just trust that it will take me where it is meant to and enjoy the view that I can see along the way. Easier said than done, to be honest. As I have seen this fog creeping towards me the past few months, I have frankly been a little bit terrified. I love what I do here in Brisbane. It has become my home these past nearly seven years. And I'm good at what I do, to be honest. I have no idea what I would do if I left right now. But that "if" is transforming into an almost certainty and I have been trying to deny it. Which I can't anymore. So, it looks as though come January 18, when my current visa expires, I will be on a plane with the entirety of my adult life packed into a couple pieces of luggage and whatever is on the other side of the fog ahead of me. When my parents came to visit in August, I figured I should stop avoiding the inevitable and explain the situation. After I did, their first question was, "well, would you join YWAM in the States or somewhere else?" I don't know that they know how relieved I felt by that question. Not because I know the answer right now, but because I know that if I do continue in missions, I will have their support. I am so grateful for these years of growth, friends, tears, laughs, schools, studying and outreaches. I am so grateful for those who have stood by my side in prayer, financial support, Skype calls and friendship. Thank you for being there. And thank you to those who will be there as I figure out where the Lord is leading me next. Trust me, when I know where that is, I will let you know. If you have any questions about this process or would like to help me with the financial costs that come with moving (most likely) across the globe, I would love to chat with you.
0 Comments
As a centre, one of our focuses is on “going.” Going out into the nations and changing hearts and lives through encounters with Jesus Christ. Although you are likely one of those people, like me, whose heart burns for those people and those nations and yet didn’t have the opportunity to physically “go,” I wanted to share with you what it was that you were a part of this year in regards to outreach. No, you didn’t board a flight or eat the weird food, but you made it possible. Through prayer, support (both relational and financial), skype calls and standing together, you made all of this possible. Thank you. Here’s what you all did this year:
Countries Reached: 15 Individual Locations Travelled To: 69 Teams Sent: 49 Students and Staff Sent: 272 People Reached: 11,760 Churches Partnered With: 95 Schools Visited: 21 Social Services Worked Together With: 28 Skits Performed: 57 Bibles Distributed: 800+ All of these numbers are on the conservative side, as we cannot know fully what our impact is, some teams that just returned have yet to share the specifics of their time, and, well, some people forget sometimes. But I wanted to share with you all the same. August marked a milestone for me and my journey here with YWAM that, to be honest, I am still not sure how to process. It marked five years of staffing at YWAM Brisbane.
At our graduation for the February DTSs, our base leadership decided to honour those of us marking our fifth and tenth years on staff at our centre. I was one of three honoured and if you know me at all, you probably know how awkward I feel in those sorts of situations when attention is put on me and I just have to sit there and accept it. Coming here five and half years ago, I thought I was coming for just six months of learning about God and myself, but we all know that God had different plans. After each school and each visa, I have prayed and felt that my time here is not yet done. So, when year five of staffing crept up on me, I looked around at those people that have become pillars in my life both in Brisbane and across the globe, supporting me through each of those visas that I did not have money for, each of those schools that I was not sure I had the ability to complete, each day that I questioned this weird life-choice to not have a consistent salary or certain future all I can feel is gratitude. Gratitude towards those people that have given five dollars or five hundred for a visa or even groceries. Gratitude towards those who have walked through this journey as a friend, mentor or support. Gratitude toward those who ask me how I am doing and even what the heck I am still doing here because it gives me a chance to share just how much of a miracle these years have been. But mostly, gratitude towards the Lord- for not giving up on me when I have a bad attitude, for continuing to draw me closer to Him, for taking me on an adventure that I never imagined for myself. So, as I sat in our nice new auditorium and listened to my ministry leader talk me up way more than I feel I deserve in front of staff, DTS students and strangers, I had to just celebrate. Not myself or my ability to make it through these years. But celebrate the goodness and faithfulness that is expressed in each and every one of those years. This past week I had a wee cold and ended up staying at home for a couple of days. In my boredom, I put on the movie Divergent. I had seen this movie before and really just put it on to distract myself from my lack of purpose in that moment.
If you haven't seen this particular dystopian teen drama, there are a few scenes where the characters are put into a simulation of their worst fears- heights, bugs, confinement, the works. As I sat watching Tris, the protagonist, pound against the glass of a rapidly-filling aquarium, I wondered what my simulation would be. Would my fears come in the form of spiders? Heights? Loneliness? Complacency? Only having cough syrup to quench my thirst (that stuff is nasty, I don't care what you say)? What is my biggest fear? And I knew. My biggest fear- what terrifies me- is that in the end, I am going to find that God isn't real. That I have spent my whole life in search of and in service of a figment of my imagination. I know, not very holy of me, hey? Let me stop here and tell you that this blog isn't going to have a happy-go-lucky ending. Fear is messy and it tends to stick around if you allow it to have power over you. But I refuse to let it. I know God. I have spoken with Him. I have experienced Him. I am drawn to Him. How is it, then, that this is the constant nagging thought in the recesses of my mind? The answer to that question alludes me at the moment, but I am going to find it and destroy it. I cannot live a life of fear. I cannot live a life of second-guesses and second-best. I cannot live a life without knowing Him. Fear is stupid. Let me just say that. It steals hope, robs joy, quenches dreams. It is a nasty little bugger that has followed me for over two decades. But I allowed it to follow me. It followed me throughout school, it followed me to Australia, it is here with me as I type with no idea what response there may be to what I am writing. But, I'm over it. I'm calling BS on this whole living in fear situation. I'm gonna kick this fear thing in the pants, Tris style. No one needs that, not when there is so much more. With that, this is my conclusion to this blog. I sit here saying that I no longer want to live in fear of my decisions, my future or my God because, after all, He already won the war on fear. Here's to the pursuit for freedom and the liberty there is in having a God like mine in control. It's gonna be a bumpy ride... On the Bible Core Course, we have exams (I know, fun). On the final exam, we ask the students to describe who God has become to them over the twelve weeks of the course. Valentine Simonin, one of the students on the April 2017 school wrote this and I asked her if I could share it with you:
Before time was a thing, God is. When time will be no more, God is. And in the meantime, God is. It is within such vastness and wholeness that I will try to look at who God is. Knowing that it won’t be all, and that there is more to any part of His identity I could come to identify. And at the same time, knowing that in the midst of His intricacy, God isn’t a brainteaser. He makes sense, because He is the reason for all knowledge. His inscrutability is closely and wonderfully woven with true meaning and profound significance. God created mankind, and from before man’s first breath until eternity, He works to create a place where He can be with His creation. Again and again, He creates frameworks within which the Divine can dwell with the earthly, the Perfect with the flawed, the Whole with the broken. He made the Garden for Adam and Eve. He established a covenant with Israel. He gave them the Law. He gave His people a land, and ensured they could establish themselves there in ways that would allow Him to establish Himself with them. Men, again and again, got rid of the framework He had given them. They ate the forbidden fruit; they broke the covenant; they disobeyed the Law; they lost their land. And so, to ensure that His presence would not depart them again, God chose the most humble dwelling place for Himself…He chose man’s heart. In His divinity, He chose to dwell in the human flesh. In His perfection, He chose to embrace flaw. In His wholeness, He chose to invade brokenness. God is love. He is kind. He is at work. He is faithful, true, whole. He is for His people. He is with His people. He was there, He is here, He will be there. Always. Before time was a thing, God is. When time will be no more, God is. And in the meantime, God is. Home. I never thought that a such a small word would confuse me as it has and have such large implications in my life and relationships.
A couple weeks ago, I was lying in bed trying to sleep, but sleep wouldn’t come. My mind was consumed by the concept of home. What was home to me? What is it now? What do I do with that? I should probably explain why this is so confusing before going any further. I grew up in one house, one home, one whole family, which is a blessing that I am ever thankful for. Then I moved across the world and I found a house, a home and a new family here too. But as my work takes me to new places and countries, I have found families and homes in Malaysian villages I cannot communicate with, in little kids’ smiles in Japan, in the hugs of Peruvian grandmothers who just want a friend, and in drives through the Outback. I have found that my concept of home is expanding. I find myself saying “in the States,” instead of “back home” because, well, which home am I talking about? Brisbane? California? Wherever God leads me to next? You can see my dilemma. As I was lying in bed that night, though, God was showing me the beauty of this dilemma. He has given me an unquenchable desire to see, experience and show God’s love to the nations. So, of course I wouldn’t have just one home. God showed me that night that He wants me to be able to find home wherever I go. When the time comes that He leads me from Brisbane to another place (if you were going to ask, I don’t know where that is, but I will… someday), I want to be able to find a new family, friends and a home, while still retaining my previous homes. Each home in my life is a particular place and family that God has placed in my life for a beautiful purpose. Without my family in the States, I wouldn’t be the person I am today, it formed me. Without my eclectic family in Brisbane, I wouldn’t see God’s heart the way I do now. And without my little homes in the nations I have been to and loved, I wouldn’t have as deep an appreciation of people and adventure. Having many homes has developed from what used to confuse me to something that has set me free to embrace relationships and adventure. I can’t wait to see where and who my next home will be, but I love the home I am in now. I have been contemplating hunger lately. No, not the food kind, though that has a constant presence in my life- I have been pondering what it means to be hungry for God.
Recently He has been showing me the lack of hunger for Him in my relationships and actions. My job being what it is, God is discussed constantly. We are always praying and fighting for some new breakthrough, talking about having relationship with Him, and even studying His word. But I’ve realised that though He apparently seems to be at the centre of what I do, I have this amazing tendency to push Him to the back-burner and neglect my need for Him in my efforts to “work” for Him. I want to be desperate for Him. I want to not be able to function properly without His presence. I want more of Him. But I haven’t actually been doing anything about that want. Instead, I go day-by-day, saying a prayer or two if I need something or if I remember and doing my work on my own, but is that what relationship with Him was intended to be? In Genesis 1 and 2, we see the type of relationship God intended for man. Constant communication and co-creativity with Him. But we all know what happened in chapter 3, a great divide is placed between God and man. How do we bridge that gap? Luckily, we don’t have to, God in his mercy and love bridged it for us through His son. All we need to do is invite Him into our lives and allow the Holy Spirit to do the rest. But that is where I get stuck. I have an impressive stubborn streak in my life. I don’t want to rely on someone else, I don’t want to be dependent on another person (luckily I was called to be a support-based missionary, right?) What if I am let down? What if I let them down? This is a scenario that lacks far too much control for my liking and so I take control and tell Him that He can come into the aspects of my life that I choose. But that isn’t relationship, that is putting a limitation on what He can do in and through me and determining that I have the authority in this relationship. That is subjection. It has taken a long time for me to realise that God can be trusted, that He is faithful, that He has the purest of intentions in everything He does, and I don’t think that is something that I will ever stop learning and experiencing. With that realisation, I have seen that if that is the case, I should want Him to be a part of my life in a way deeper than any other relationship. That I should desire for Him to be a partner in my life, not a distant deity. That is where hunger comes in. God is the source of life and sustenance. Without hunger, our bodies wouldn't be able to tell us when we require nutrients, thus we would not be able to function properly but would be weak, depleted beings. It is the same with our Spirits, without hunger for Him, we would not recognise when we have become complacent or depleted. We have to have Him. But I have been wondering how to cultivate hunger in my life. I can want God, but if I am not desperate enough for Him to actually do something about it, what is the point? Found in Acts 1 and 2, we see an example of how the disciples cultivated this hunger. Basically, they hung out in a room for several days praying. We don’t know if they were there 24/7 or if they came in and out. But the principle of waiting for God is there. They listened to what He had promised and instructed and didn’t leave that spot until they had seen Him come. How often do we do this now? God says something and we pray for five minutes? Thirty? Maybe an hour? But a week? We live in a society where everything is instantly available to us: food, internet, communication, etc. As a generation, we have lost what it looks like to have tenacity, to fight for a long time for something, to live with patience. God doesn’t want to be a quick-fix, He wants to be the source of life. How do we allow Him to do that when we can just go to a podcast or song that makes us feel better without allowing Him to actually move in us? I don’t have an answer to my own question. The answer looks different for each person and community, but we need to ask it all the same. Is it devoting an extended or indefinite amount of time to prayer and worship? Is it diving into His word? Is it simply turning off our wifi and getting back to the basics of relationship? I don’t know yet, but I intend to find out. I hope you do, too.
An update on what I have been up to lately is long past due. For that, I am sorry. But I hope this shall make up for it.
Let’s see, where to begin? In June my sister, Megan, got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. From that moment on, it was a struggle to get the finances necessary to make a trip to the States all while helping to lead a three-month Bible school. I had not been to that version of home in quite some time, so a visit was what I wanted and needed to get back in touch with people and share with them in person what exactly it is that I am doing over here in Australia. Six months, a lot of prayers and several miracles later, I was able to purchase a plane ticket to be home for Christmas and my sister’s wedding. For that, I am extremely grateful to those who fought with me in prayer, talked with me about strategies on how to make the trip possible and gave to the trip financially. Thank you, you are more of a blessing than you can realise. Here is a bit of what your help and kind words made possible: Getting off my sleepless flight at LAX, my stomach was in knots. After meandering through the airport, baggage claim and customs, I walked through the door and scanned the sea of faces for two familiar ones. Catching eyes with my parents, I weaved through other groggy travellers and landed in my parents’ arms. Everything was going to be alright. I made it home in time to surprise some of my extended family that night for dinner and have a somewhat unorthodox Christmas consisting of disc golf and Mexican food as we postponed our family Christmas until my sisters made it home. A few days later, I sat in our living room with the Christmas tree in the corner and a fire in another and looked at the faces of my sisters, parents, new brother-in-law and a boyfriend and could not help but feel grateful. I had not seen those faces together in one room in almost a decade. God not only displayed his faithfulness in getting me to the States, but his faithfulness, kindness and heart in getting all six of us Boswell’s in one room together. Those few days that we were together (albeit busy trying to get a wedding together) are ones that I am going to cherish and they could not have happened without your help. Thank you. The wedding was a quirky laid-back ceremony on the beach and a reception under a tent in my backyard with space heaters and a dance floor to keep us warm. It was a joy to see my sister and her husband, Daniel (who I met two days earlier), commit themselves to one another and see family that I would not have been able to without that event. The rest of my trip was a whirl of organising what I have left at my home in California, visiting old friends, meeting new ones and going on adventures throughout the West Coast. I was able to spend a few days in San Francisco with friends and then do the road-trip up the coast to Portland with my mom, sister and brother-in-law to help them move. It was beautiful and nostalgic to see the coast and the parts of my state that I had not seen in years and years, see beautiful mountains and redwoods, listen to bad radio stations and introduce my mom to the world of podcasts as we made the drive up. My oldest sister met us in Portland as she lives in Seattle and we were able to spend a few days exploring the city: hiking, meandering through book stores, eating weird donuts and all. Flying back down to California, I had a couple days to pack, say goodbye to friends and prepare to come back to my other home. Since being back, I have been thrown back into the thick of things here in Brisbane. Our base runs a community Easter festival called the North Brisbane Easter Festival and it has been my job to make, fix and prepare carnival games and activities for the festival as well as other logistical tasks to get it up and running. It will be our second year running this festival for our community and we are expecting about 2,000 community members to join us in the fun. It will be a great couple of days, I may not get much sleep, but that is totally fine and worth it to be able to see families engage with one another away from TV screens and in the midst of easter egg hunts, sack races, live music, games, good food, animal farms, jumping castles, and heaps more. Immediately after the festival, I will be helping to lead another three-month Bible course. We will have about seven students and three staff. It will be a lot of marking of assignments but it is worth it to see young people diving into the truth of the Word and being able to discover for themselves God’s character through the stories and His faithfulness that is on display on each and every page. When that school is over in July, I will return to my normal position on Go Teams (see ‘about’ page for more info on who Go Teams is) and focusing once more on equipping leaders and students to have the best overseas outreach possible and cultivating new resources to make that and a staff outreach happen possibly at the end of the year. In December, my current visa will expire but I have decided to stick around for at least one more two-year visa. In deciding to be on staff three and a half years ago, I felt God saying, “stay here until I call you to your next adventure.” As He has not called me on to somewhere else yet, I am staying here and am excited to see what will come and how we will impact the nations. If you would like more info on the North Brisbane Easter Festival, check out our Facebook page at:
https://www.facebook.com/northbrisbaneeasterfestival/?fref=nf
A few nights ago I was watching Pride and Prejudice with one of my housemates (I know, cliché, but bear with me). At one point during the movie my housemate looks over at me and asks, “Kim, have you ever been in love?” That took me aback, and after thinking about it for a second, I had to say no.
Yes, I have been in a relationship before but I couldn’t honestly say that I loved him in the way that he deserved. And if I’m being really honest with myself, I didn’t think I was worthy of love and was scared of what it would mean and cost to reciprocate it. But a couple of days later I was in class for our weekly Psalm devotion. I have to admit that I don’t remember what it was that I was meant to be talking to God about but He had something else in mind. As I was sitting there, he reminded me of that living room conversation with my housemate. He said, “Kim, why did you tell her that you had never been in love?” “Because I haven’t,” I replied. “But Kim, don’t you love me?” I sat there a bit dumbfounded as I realised the weight of what he was asking me. “Yes, I love you,” I finally uttered. I have to give you some context at this point. It has been a recent thing for me to start to grasp what love is. I mean, the past month kind of recent. I have grown up told that love is good and God loves me (yay, Sunday school). But what the heck does that actually mean? Society tells us that love is pain. The dictionary tells us that it is a “warm attachment.” And Jane Austen tells us that it is when Mr Darcy finally swoops in with a scowl and a ring. But is that all that it really is? I have to call BS on that one, Miss Austen. I have come to the conclusion that I have allowed my circumstances and the views of media and others to define love for me. That is not okay and has caused a great distortion of the truth in my life and relationships. In the song If You Want Me from the musical Once, it says, “if you want me, satisfy me.” I think that has subtly become the mantra of this generation. If you want anything from me (affection, time, friendship, laughter, etc), you have to satisfy me first. You have to sacrifice for me and then maybe I will grace you with my presence. That leads us all into this cycle of striving, dissatisfaction and blame-shifting. We have to stop. And so, I decided to ask God what love really is. I haven’t even grazed the surface of that request but I have seen a shift in my perspective and a desire for a change in how I relate to others. Back to my story. As I sat there, thinking about this question, I realised that I have often made God a side-note in my relationships. Yes, I am a missionary and I have grown deeply in my relationship with Him in the past few years especially, but I have separated Him from everybody else. In my mind, love has always been associated with a boyfriend or family or friends, but that is not where I should go to seek out what love really is. Yes, my family and friends love me, but they, just like me, fail. But God's love is far beyond anything I could ever comprehend. It is sacrificial, it is deeper than the seas, it is jealous, it is incapable of failure. This wasn’t the first time that I had told God that I loved Him. But it was different. It was me saying, “I trust you. I want you. You are love.” I distinctly remember the first time I actually heard God telling me He loved me. It was three years ago on my DTS during a worship time and when I heard it, I burst into tears. How could He love me? I have done nothing but fail. I have not earned it. I am not worth it. I don’t understand it. But that was the beginning of a change in me. I realised that He had been telling me that He loved me my entire life. When I went on hikes, when I failed my driving test, when I laughed with friends, when I first kissed a boy, when I was angry, when I gave Him the silent treatment. In the midst of my definitely NOT satisfying Him, he wanted me. I don’t know that I will ever fully grasp the extent of that. But I want to reciprocate it. Love is not just a romance novel, a bouquet of flowers, a sappy song or a completeness only found with “the one.” It is a choice. It is a verb. It is freedom. It is shown to many people in many ways. It is friendship, marriage, holding hands, crying, being free to be who you actually are, not who others require you to be. It is Him. I am far from saying that I know everything about love. This is an unfinished thought. But isn’t that what is exciting about letting go? You never know how it will finish. I am excited, and a bit nervous to see where this request takes me. But in my experience, those are the best kinds of adventures. And so, Miss Austen, here’s to not sitting in anticipation for Mr Bingley to come in on his horse. Here's to not waiting for other people to satisfy me so that I can deem them worthy of attention. Here's to not waiting for Jerry Maguire to say that I complete him. Here’s to choosing relationship over comfort. Here’s to a culture shift. Note: This is not meant as a dig to Jane Austen, she was a great author. I was driving a tiny lime green car with four of my team in the back. As we followed our hosts' white four-seater down a long and desperately beautiful road, passing turquoise and yellow homes, banana trees and cows tied-up to the side at random, I couldn't tell but tear-up.
How is it that my God chose me to go on these amazing adventures? We were going on a prayer drive in the country surrounding the small city of Mukah in Sarawak. That week we joined a pastor and his wife in their ministry to the Iban people of Borneo, a native people group on the island. As we stopped in front of longhouses (homes where Iban people live in community- literally, a very long house) and prayed for restoration, freedom and unity, I became overwhelmed by God's desire for that nation. Stopping in front of an old dilapidated bright blue church I wasn't saddened that nobody could attend this destroyed building, I was filled with the hope and joy that one day it would be restored and overflowing with families from longhouses all around; not because of a physical restoration of four walls but because God is going to restore that nation. And I was so lucky to have a tiny part in the restoration of Malaysia for seven weeks. Malaysia for me was a time to fall in love again with missions. Not that I have ever fallen out of love with it, but it was one of those times where I could see His heart for the nations and the outpouring of His love on the people and I couldn't help but plunge deeper into a desire to see the territory of that love expand. Sometimes in my work I have been busy doing the behind-the-scenes of short-term missions- paperwork, research, teaching and more paperwork- that I can often acquire tunnel-vision and forget why I am doing what I am doing. Malaysia reminded me. I am here so that people can go to new cultures, experience really weird food and see things they never dreamed of. But more than that, I am here to see those people go into the nations and call out God's purpose in them, show them they have a Father that loves them and equip them to do the same for their neighbours, families and enemies. While in Malaysia, I got to do just that. We spent the first five weeks of our trip in the Malaysian state of Sarawak on the island of Borneo. There we stayed in the state capital, Kuching, and built relationships with the youth and encouraged them in their dreams and relationship with the Lord, did some farming work, led church services, prayed over the nation, and befriended children in a small slum nearby our house. We also spent a week in Mukah as I mentioned above. There we went to longhouses and prayed over families, shared testimonies, danced, encouraged university students and got to experience Iban culture- river showers, interesting food, new language and all. The last two weeks of our trip we went to the small island of Penang in West Malaysia. Georgetown in Penang is a lot more touristy than Kuching and we were able to spend our time at YWAM Penang there. While there we got to spend time at a homeless shelter run by the base, a thrift shop that supports that shelter, help kids with English tuition, pray over the city at the International House of Prayer, run kids programs, help at an evangelical rock climbing club (yes, that exists) and see God's equally massive heart for West Malaysia. Malaysia is a country that has unique possibility. Though it is an Islamic nation, I have never before seen so many cultures living side-by-side. To be a Malaysian isn't to be Indian or Chinese or Iban, it is to be all of the above and that was truly beautiful to see. It was a small glimpse of what the Kingdom could look like- many cultures doing life together without strife. One day, Malaysia is going to come into God's calling for it. The youth are going to rise up and families are going to be restored. I am just lucky to have been allowed to be a smart part in that greater plan. I didn’t think while I was watching all my friends get ready for college as I delivered yet another pizza that I was actually making the right decision in leaving everything and going to Australia. Sometimes I honestly still question that decision.
But I never thought that it was possible to work somewhere that I don’t get paid and get to see my family once every couple of years and still love what I am doing. I don’t have a degree but someday I may. But I love my job partially because I know that it is exactly where God wants me to be right now and partially because, well, it’s fun. I often come across the oddly difficult task of explaining what exactly I do here in Australia. It might be hard to understand but that is extremely more easy said than done. Because, well, a lot of people picture missionaries as people living in huts with no connection to the outside world but that is not the reality for a lot of missionaries. God calls missionaries to and from jungles, inner-cities, country towns, big cities, third-world nations and even suburbs in Australia. Let me try to explain some aspects of my job… Sometimes I -Teach forty people how to write a sermon -Wash and polish cars for four hours a day -Make trips to IKEA -Sit in front of a computer doing logistics all day -Help students go deeper in their skills as photographers with God -Miss friends' weddings -Don’t know how I am going to pay my bill from month to month -Get to go to nations new and old to me -Work with the best kind of people -Find dead huntsman spiders in my office -Don’t get paid -Miss family on holidays -Get to work with people with the same goal as me: to follow Him -Cry multiple times a week -Mess up -See miracles on a daily basis -Stay up late not because I have to, but because I love my job That is just the very beginning of what my work here entails. I am a part of a ministry on our YWAM center called Go Teams that has the goal written on our office wall that calls us to "actively living out the truths of God in relevant, consistent and evangelical ways in every facet of our lives, and to further equip staff, students and community members to do the same.” In a nutshell, I work to make our DTS overseas outreaches the best that they can both for our teams and for our contacts that work tirelessly in those nations. That entails working with the teams before they leave to prepare them for ministry as well as facilitating team-building exercises, I also lead the photography track of the current arts Discipleship School and help with staff training and local outreaches. I know it’s hard to understand, but I promise, I love my job. Which leads to the newest addition to my role. A couple of months ago, I was asked to co-lead an outreach team for the current DTS as they do not have enough staff. I was thrilled because it is such a great privilege to go on outreach again and because I love experiencing new cultures. And so, I get to go to the wonderful country of Malaysia at the end of this month with seven great people. I am so excited and honoured to co-lead this team. And I would greatly appreciate your prayer for our team and for the last $3400 I need to get there. Thank you for reading, praying and your continued support as I continue on this great adventure that is my job. Coming to the end of seasons in my life, I always get the same questions… You graduated high school, what are you going to do with your life? If you’re not going to go to university, then what will you do? Now that you’re done with your little adventure in Australia, will you come back and get a “real” job? So, you’re going to do a leadership school instead, what is that going to help you with? Alright, now you did a Bible school, what did you learn and now what? That’s the most recent variation that I have been faced with lately. So, I wish to attempt to address it here.
I’m not annoyed with the questions. I know that they are asked out of love and concern for me and they are asked by people both internationally and everyday at the base I work at. Concern that I will not get a consistently paying job or a higher education or even a place to live that doesn’t require a new visa every year. Trust, me those are my concerns as well. But I have come to see the beauty in where God has me right now. I have always been so worried about what is next, how I am going to pay for it and get there and everything in between. But, God has me here right now. So, that is the best place I can possibly be. And honestly, it’s very hard to remind myself of that sometimes. When I say goodbye to yet another best friend for who knows how long or when I need a visa in two weeks and have no money, or when I’m homesick, physically sick or just plain tired, it’s hard to maintain that paradigm. The past two and a half years of my life have been amazing, extremely hard, a bit unorthodox and ones that I would not trade. Here’s just a glimpse of what they have looked like, by the numbers: Hours in planes – 183 Christmases in Australia – 2 Hellos – approximately 900 Goodbyes – too many Bible books studied – 16 Birthdays in the southern hemisphere – 3 Chai Lattes – 45 Hours in lectures – 860 Photos Posted – 350 Skype calls – not enough Roommates - 14 Continents visited – 3 But after all that, in response to the question, one of the things that I have learned in the past three months on the Bible Core Course is quite simply that I do not have it figured out- God does and I need to trust that. I could spit off a number of people that I have read about and studied during the course that came to that same conclusion- David, Abraham, Peter, even Jesus, but it has been through the studying and beginning to understand his heart that I came to this conclusion myself. If I had done it on my own and possibly gotten a job or gone to school instead of coming to YWAM, I don’t think I would be a massive failure right now suffocating between the pastel walls of a nine-to-five job. I think I would be okay and I don’t think that God would have abandoned me. Yes, God called me here to Australia and when I responded to that call I definitely did not know what I was getting myself into (“just six months,” they said) but his call does not always look like a cross-continental move. It can look like going to university, getting that job, marrying that guy or even none of the above. And who knows, maybe school is down the road for me yet. C.S. Lewis put it very well, “Aslan is not a tame lion.” Nor are his calls to us any more tame. But it is when we decide to throw caution to the wind and say “God, I am not sure how to trust you in this or what it is going to look like on the other side, but I choose you,” that we are truly free. That is what I have learned, and keep learning and learning and learning. But now for the second half of the question, what’s next? Honestly, that is a bit hazy right now. I know I am meant to stay here in Brisbane for a bit longer, though how long is yet to be determined. And exactly what I will be doing is in the workings but I am going to keep studying and listening and learning to trust. So, please keep in touch and I will let you know as soon as I find out. As I sit in the office here at YWAM Brisbane, with students planning their excursions to New Zealand behind me, I can't help but think about how ridiculous my life has become. Two days ago, I officially graduated 28 students and released them into the "wild" but I also graduated from my Basic Leadership School and I would not change the past two years of my life for anything. Sure, there were tears, fights, times of confusion and many times that I wanted to give up. But there were also tears of laughter, heaps of hugs, times of jubilation and many times that I never wanted to leave. Many people come up to me and ask, "So, what have you learned on BLS?" Every time, I am at a loss as to how to answer that question. I have learned that God is a provider. What worship actually means. How to stand firm in God's truth. To find joy in the hardest of circumstances. I have learned to love unconditionally and to receive love in return. To step out of my comfort zone and be ridiculous for God but also just for fun. I have learned to never give up. How to lead a team to a different continent and to do it well. I have learned how to sit and wait upon the Lord. To laugh so hard that tears flow down my face. To not automatically go inward when things get hard. I have learned the power of prayer and of encouragement. How to stand on the mountain top and rejoice but also how to find joy in the valley. And that my God is greater. But most of all, I have learned that I have become ruined for the ordinary. Most people, when asked what they are afraid of say something along the lines of public speaking, bugs, heights, being alone, or even clowns. But if I were to honestly answer that question now, I would have to say that I am deathly afraid of complacency. Webster's dictionary defines complacency as "a feeling of being satisfied with how things are and not wanting to try to make them better." That is terrifying. My ordinary has become eating spicy chicken with my fingers with Bengali people in Tokyo, kayaking on the coast of Australia, climbing to the peaks of Machu Picchu, leading people to Christ in Lima, and weekend trips to rice fields in Osaka. How can I return to complacency after all that I have done with God these past three years? And so, my second most asked question these days is, "So what's next for you?" If only it were as simple as asking a magic eight ball what is next, right? Well, after literally months of prayer and questions, I have come up with an answer to that question, for the next three months, at least. So here's the "short" answer to that question. After a door or two being closed, I was talking to Steph, my BLS leader and she said our base director a couple years ago encouraged the base in asking that if you are done with your commitment somewhere, whether that be at YWAM or elsewhere, why would you leave without either God telling you to or without fully getting what you came there for? If your commitment is over, it doesn't always mean that you should go home without any direction. And so, I was thinking about that and what I have really been wanting is real intimacy with God. Yes, I have grown a lot in intimacy these past three years but I don't think I am where I want to be. I know that is something that you will always be growing in, but I just don't think I should leave yet. If I did, I would go back home and I honestly don't know what I would do, which is OK sometimes but it just doesn't seem right for me right now. And so, I have been praying and I feel that God is allowing me to step out and grow in deeper intimacy with Him through the BCC. BCC is a Bible Core Course that they are starting here at YWAM Brisbane and it is three months long. Basically, it is an intensive study of the Bible. And what better way to grow in intimacy with God than to know His word, right? And so, in five days I will be transitioning into yet another YWAM school and honestly, I cannot wait. I can't wait to actually get to know and understand His word. Yes, there will be heaps of late night study sessions and probably some frustration but how extraordinary is that? And yet again, I need your help to do this. I am just going to lay it down honestly. I get $140 USD a month which is less than half of my monthly expenses. I need your help. In the next four or so months, I need: - Prayer, prayer and more prayer -$2,000 for visas -$2,645 for tuition -$812 for my current base bill -$1,600 for a plane ticket home in August for my sister's wedding -$50 for a replacement passport (mine was stolen) -$600 for miscellaneous expenses -$47 for a specific new Bible (also stolen) -Possibly need new health insurance -$80 for virus protection for my computer -$310 per month in support -And so, that is at least $7834 Australian Dollars total, plus monthly support -Did I mention that I need prayer? I have seen God provide more than that in a matter of minutes and so I don't doubt His capability. But I want to ask you to partner with me and Him in this. Whether it's a hundred dollars a month or five or even a one time donation, it will help immensely. Please pray and see if you can help in any way. But first and foremost, please pray for this next journey I am beginning, that I would grow in deeper intimacy with Christ and have bold faith. I am diving yet again into the extraordinary and leaving complacency and the ordinary behind, come jump in with me in whatever way that looks like for you. Whether that looks like moving to a new continent or asking your favourite barista if you can pray for him, isn't it time you left the ordinary behind as well?
Hola amigos! It has been a while but hello from the Sacred Valley of Cusco, Peru.
We have been in Peru for three weeks now, and all I can say is, God is faithful. The first week we spent with YWAM Lima and a local church called "Casa De Oracion" (House of Prayer). We were so blessed by our contacts there and did heaps of evangelism on the streets of Lima, one of the largest cities in South America. We would go out with youth from the church and simply share the love of God with pretty much everyone we came into contact with. We also partnered with some youth ministries, shared skits, a sermon, and had plenty of water fights. But let me tell you about someone really special we met in Lima. One night, we went out as a team plus a YWAMer and one of the church youth to see what youth we could talk to at a place called "el retondo." And let me tell you, God showed up. I was partnered with Camille (on our team) and Rob (our YWAM contact) and we decided to show Rob what a treasure hunt is. Basically, it is just a fun way of doing evangelism where you ask God for a name, picture, color, etc and then you go find whatever He shows you and you see what happens. So, we prayed and Camille got a picture of a balloon and I got the name Rosa. So the hunt began. We searched and found a girl with a pink balloon and gave her a tract but I knew there was something more. We walked around and Rahel (on our team) joined us and we decided to talk to these two girls sitting on the ground. It was pretty basic at first- hello, what's your name, what are you doing here, etc. But then the Holy Spirit decided to show up. We all ended up sharing our life stories while Rob was praying on the outskirts. They started asking us questions about faith, God, church and the Holy Spirit. And one thing led to another and God gave the three of us huge hearts and His love for one of the girls specifically. We were able to pray for them both and answer their questions and encourage them to seek out more answers for themselves. But God wasn't done with just that. The Holy Spirit filled us with love for one of the girls and pretty much all five of us were crying by the end. But the greatest thing of all is that I was able to lead the girl to accept Jesus into her life, to break off fear and pray for her brother who suffers with depression and to share with her how much God loves her and that redemption for her family is possible. After they had to leave, we continued to pray for them and honestly, if God does nothing more than what he did that night for the rest of my time here in Peru, I am totally okay with that. It was such an honor to speak life and encouragement into those girls and I pray that some day I will be able to see the extent of what God does in their life. Oh, did I mention that the girl's name was Rosa and that we were sitting about one hundred feet from a balloon shop? Yeah, God is good. From Lima I got to surprise the team with the addition of our last team member, Wanyae and we were off to Cusco. While in Cusco we have had the privilege of helping YWAM Cusco graduate their second DTS, babysit, cook, run a kids club in a cafe on Saturdays, encourage backpackers, pray for shop owners, see the beauty of the Sacred Valley and I shared a testimony at a local church about God's faithfulness and living a life of adventure with Him. We also spent a week working with a ministry called Club Corason (heart). It was a week full of running, playing, laughing, a lot of volleyball, drawing, teaching kids how to cook, helping with math and English alongside a few other international volunteers. It was a week full of fun and seeing God's joy in His children. For the remaining four weeks here we will be painting a church and school, continuing the weekend kids club, visiting churches and Quechua villages, praying, worshiping, backpacker ministry, water fights with kids, and having a faith week following the Holy Spirit's guidance. I am so looking forward to what God is going to do in this team and in Cusco, please keep us in your prayers for health, joy and childlike faith. Adios! It amazes me the seasons that God takes us through.
After staffing my first DTS I became the receptionist here on base until my next school. I sat at a desk everyday from eight thirty to five thirty, with a lunch break in between. I answered phones calls, sent faxes, copied things, everything you might think of as a receptionist, I did. It was hard to sit at my desk everyday and still think "I am a missionary... this is where God has called me." I longed to get out of the office and just do something! There were some days that I went on walks just to feel active after seven months of intensive "God time." I didn't realise it in the moment, but I learned so much during my time in reception that I couldn't have in any other role and I gained a new respect for the many people on our base that are in administrative roles year-round. God was taking me through a season of really needing Him. I had to choose Him everyday and honestly, sometimes I failed. I wouldn't trade my time in reception for anything, I know that God was preparing me for something. Little did I know what that "something" would mean. Coming into this new season of staffing another DTS, I asked God to increase my want for intimacy with Him. All I can say is, be careful what you ask for. In January of 2015 I will be leading a team to the beautiful land of Peru. God has given me the amazing opportunity to return to where I went on outreach last year and continue in relationships that were built and build new ones. But when I asked for intimacy, I didn't think He would give me such a straightforward answer. Last year, I co-lead to Peru with an amazing girl named Kaeli from Canada. We relied on each other and picked up each other's slack. We challenged each other and cried together. And this coming year, all I will have is God. He will have to be the one I rely on, I plan with, I talk to about the little decisions like what to eat for dinner. He is all I will have. Of course, I have an amazing team of six truly awesome people and I am so excited to lead them and learn from them. But when it comes down to it, all I will have is God. Talk bout an answer to prayer, huh? So, here it goes. Here comes a new season of learning what intimacy with the Father really looks like, and all the stories along the way. Peru, here we come! Father,
It has taken me more than long enough to come to the conclusion that I will never understand you. That used to terrify me, that this big white-bearded old man in the clouds was far out of my reach and understanding. But now, resting in the knowledge of my feeble understanding gives me strength to trust in you. You know that it has been a journey learning to trust you. Sometimes I still don't. And yet, there you still are, sometimes with a cheeky "I told you so." Of all the things you have taught me in the last year and a half as a missionary, I think trusting you has been the most challenging and the most rewarding. Though I usually don't know how I'm going to keep fighting for others and myself, you continually remind me that you are on my side, whether I understand why or not. You have taught me this when my visa was going to expire in a day and you provided the finances the night before, when I was on the Inka trail and could hardly keep walking uphill because of the altitude, when I was leaving for Peru in less than two weeks and you provided all that was needed and more in one day, and when I have felt dejected, weak and you lost you have been there to remind me of who you have called me to be and most of all who you are. You have taught me to trust you. And now, it feels as though my faith and trust in you are being put to the test again. Honestly, I don't see how I am going to get home. But with every donation of $50 or $500 you remind me that you are greater. You have plans that I don't understand but I have come to find joy in that. It still honestly terrifies me sometimes but now, when I am in need, I get excited to see in what way you will provide or if you don't, I stand in the knowledge that there is a reason. And, I will find out what it is at some point or another. And so, I declare again that I trust you, Father. Though everything screams in me that I shouldn't, I do. And I will rest in your almighty and incomprehensible power. Coming in to the new year, I found myself lost and distant from the Father. I felt that I wasn't hearing His voice, wasn't getting any direction from Him, and I thought that I was walking alone without Him.
But then He showed me something. I realised that in the end, all that doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter if I don't feel like I am close to God, it doesn't matter if I don't feel like I can hear Him and it doesn't matter if I don't feel like pursuing Him. Faith is not built upon emotions or desires, it is built upon who my Father says He is and my choice to believe it. Faith is an everyday choice. It is not something you decide on when you like a sermon one day and you feel like going up to the altar and letting Him into your life. It is what you choose every moment of every day afterwards. So often, I have let my emotions drive my relationship with God. I don't want to listen to Him, talk to Him, or even love Him sometimes and so I don't. But what kind of relationship is that? A husband chooses to love his wife despite the argument they have over dinner, so why am I being so selfish as to think that He doesn't deserve the same? Last week, I learned that there are four reasons people stay in the "wilderness:" 1. We don't understand what God is talking about and so we don't listen. Understanding is what our generation searches for. We want to know why people want us to do things before we do them. But in reality, understanding does not come first. The Holy Spirit first gives us revelation of something, then we do that something, then comes understanding. Not the other way around. 2. We are afraid of losing control. Which is funny because when you make Jesus Lord of your life, you give control away and receive freedom and joy from that decision. 3. We put God in a box. 4. And we are afraid of extreme things happening so we just don't do anything. But how do we come out of that wilderness? We choose. I am not saying that the moment you say, "OK God, I will stop being stubborn now," that you will receive great and profound wisdom. But you are choosing faith and choosing Him above your emotions. I had to choose Him every morning for a long time before I felt close to Him again. But even when I don't feel it, I choose it because God is worth it. 2 Corinthians 11:3 says "But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ." I will not let that happen to me again. And if it does, I will choose Christ. Who will you choose? I don’t understand your goodness or why it is directed at me. I don’t understand why you would love me more than I could ever see. I don’t understand why you forgive me on a daily basis. And I don’t understand your justice, truth, mercy, joy or why you are so great. But I do understand that I am your daughter and though I am never going to fully comprehend every aspect of your character, you will always love me and who could ever ask for more?
The very first week that all of our students came, we were worshipping and I apologise that I wasn’t focused on you the entire time. But something moved in me. I looked around at all of the twenty nine new faces and my heart broke. I looked at their eyes and saw their fear, their doubt, their insecurities, and their brokenness. As tears came to my eyes, I dwelled on their issues and everything holding them back. But then you reminded me of something: I was in their same exact place only a few months ago. I was broken, confused, doubtful, scared, and full of insecurities and to be honest those are still there. But now I am confident in your promises and in my identity in you. So I looked at their faces again and instead of their problems, I looked past where they are now to where you will take them. Yes, after graduating DTS their lives will certainly not be perfect. But I am confident in the transformation you have started in them and I am honoured that you trust me enough to help guide them along in this process. Though it is now week four of this school and I am learning that free time is a rarity to be cherished and time management is vital, all of those little issues seem insignificant because you have called me here. I am not of this world and so those little problems throughout the day are now things I can laugh at in the light of your promises. I know that these next six months may be the hardest in my life, but I am strangely okay with that. I look at all of the students’ faces and at what you are speaking over their lives and it is worth the pain and tears to come. As I plan small groups, lead an overseas outreach, have four girls I am mentoring and am in paperwork up to my eyes, I know that you are right here beside me, guiding me through the rough patches and walking alongside me in the easier times. When you first called me here, I was terrified (and still am) but as I grow ever-increasingly closer to your presence, I am unbelievably excited for this time. I don’t know what I am going to do after BLS, but you do and that is all that matters. And so I say to the fear and pain to come, “bring it on because I have a weapon far greater than any other. I have a confidence in my Father’s love for me and his promises in my life.” I left LAX for Brisbane empty. I was empty of a love yet unknown. I began a journey six months ago in search of God and myself. I found something even greater: a Father, Friend, Lover, Comforter and Lord. These past six months in Australia, God has taken me on a journey. A journey filled with roots jutting up out of the path and divisions in the road but journeying in His will has been the best place I could possibly be. He rid me of fear of man and myself, of doubting Him and His plans for me, and most of all He has taught me love. Before leaving for Japan for seven weeks of outreach, God gave me a challenge of trust. Go home to my family, friends and comfort after DTS or stay in Australia for another year and a half to continue this crazy Aussie journey. He asked me to do a BLS (Basic Leadership School) in YWAM Brisbane where I would staff two DTS schools and work on base in between the two. It took a lot of arguing on my behalf but in the end I realised that the God who breathed my old doubtful dry bones back to life could do anything and it is only with Him that I can truly survive. Our team in Japan received Ezekiel 37:1-14 while in prayer in Osaka one day and God has been using it ever since to show me who I once was but most of all who I have become through Him. The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know. Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army. Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’” So welcome to my Journey with God as I learn what it means to be a humble servant in Christ |
|